A factory floats in this Portland river

What’s up, friends?

You’ve heard of boat homes, yachts, cruiseships… well, what about floating factories? The metallic silos on today’s property appear to house machinery for…

…wait, sorry, my sources are telling me this place just LOOKS like a factory. It’s actually a house?

Built in 1985, by designer Buzz Gorder, this 2-bed, 3-bath property has been listed for $899,000 in Portland, OR. Gorder titled it “The Aqua Star” -which I can only assume is a joke, as its exterior primarily screams “luxury oil rig.”

Up close, this doesn’t look as much like a factory. Yet I’m still entranced by that mysterious staircase…

Take in this open living room! The floor-to-ceiling windows let you bask in the beautiful furniture, colors, and river outside.

Want a beverage that complements the view? This fully stocked bar has everything you’d need.

Need to “powder your nose” from all the liquids you (responsibly) drank?

Jay Gatsby might have influenced this wallpaper, giving an affluent look to this bathroom. But the lack of a towel ring (with a loose hand towel on the counter) reminds us to stay humble. 

Curves accentuate a feeling of togetherness; A dining room is meant to bring people together, and this space does just that. I love the hues of dark blue, bulb chandelier, and imagining dinner with a view.

Metal ceiling slats over the clean white countertops with blue cabinets… YES! This kitchen has a perfect combo of color, contemporary, with a bit of fun.

As the home inevitably bobs in the river, that dangling fixture will have me fearing for my life. At least it’s surrounded by a sleek, stable, curved staircase.

On the floor of the second level, all of the rooms kind of blend together. This open concept space immediately invites you into more communal living spaces, all accentuated with vast natural lighting. 

Not 100% sure how to feel about the domed black ceiling, but it’s a nice contrast to the red art piece, more curved white walls, and the additional couch nook.

So many windows in this bedroom make it an invasion of privacy. Plus, is that the bathroom behind the wall?

Wait, if this a bedroom-bathroom combo: where the line between ”room where you sleep” and “room where you poop” is completely dissolved? Ew.

What do you mean the wrap-around windows carry through the bathtub and shower?! And what is this with a mini-fridge being in the bathroom… is this even a bathroom? 

I’d argue this closet is the worst part of the bedroom. Heck, the uncovered windows extend the length of the closet. How is the little privacy this home offers not in the few rooms that absolutely need it?

All of these peculiar eyelines are completely obsolete in the downstairs, and (evidently) secondary bedroom: 

While the upstairs bedroom has panoramic windows, this bedroom only has one.

Let’s chat about the decor for a second: it’s lackluster. The sheets and pillows make a statement… around a HUGE wall that does nothing to complement them. And, although it doesn’t distract you from the designs, the blank walls make the bed seem tacky. Almost like they threw the bedding in there to do “something.”

Complimentary to this lackluster room is an ensuite that is just as “meh.”

One thing this home has down: contrast. It loves to keep your eye interested by using differing colors (e.g white/black, teal/brown, navy/gold).

Outside, the deck (or is it “dock”?) is expansive with its cozy couch, grill, table set, and lounge chairs. The lack of a fence makes me uneasy -especially over a body of running water.

Besides the few shrubs near the home’s exterior, you probably think there won’t be any more greenery, right? Because we’re not on the mainland?

Well, think again. (That was a joke.) I guess -at the very least- something is better than nothing.

For all the flak I give this home, it’s an impressive piece of architecture. And, for all its grandiose, I find it ironic that there isn’t a boat at the end of its dock.

Sarah @Homes.tastrophes

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