Goth in Baltimore 🪦

What’s up, friends?

Do you ever feel a lust for death? Like all things related to dying -the iconography, the color black, the locations of dead people- really fill your cup? If you answered “Yes” to any or all of those options, then today’s house will be right up your alley!

If you answered “No,” then this will just be another catastrophe of a home that you get to join us in touring! ‘Cuz, for as quaint as the bones of this home are (pun intended), it’s got something slightly sinister underneath… Welcome to Baltimore, everyone.

Built in 1940, this tiny 1.5k sqft property has 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom, and a whole lot of dark, black decor. Don’t worry though, it’s mostly pasted atop a white suburban backdrop to make things feel fresh. With a 6k sqft lot, this place packs a punch at only $295,300. 

Inside, it’s actually pretty bright in here. The walls contrast the black… everything else. Even the candle.

Sorry, is that a framed photo of a guillotine?

Besides some sports paraphernalia, the theme of this place is just… black. And even the sports stuff is black. 

What else is on the walls, in just this first room? There’s three more black and white photos: (1) a creepy devilish woman, (2) an old-timey carriage used as a hearse, with a coffin hanging out back, and (3) a pair of identical twin sisters sharing a tree swing. Nearby, there’s also a clock (that’s a coffin) and matching wall decor coffin-shape faux bouquet holders to line the TV. 

Oh, and the carpet is very black too. Just in case you hadn’t noticed that yet.

In my typical fashion, I don’t hate this simple kitchen. A black and white kitchen is classic, sleek, and works well; It’s nothing special, but it gets the job done.

Sorry if I offended any Raiders fans, but I only now see that the “sports paraphernalia” on the wall is inspired by the giant Raiders logo within the dining table. This does make me realize the Raiders are not pirates… but also skulls… so undead pirates? I dunno. Not my circus, not my monkeys.

Next to the table, that black carpet lines the staircase -with noticeably no railing. I guess there’s also a death wish by whoever made that design choice. 

Upstairs, it’s evident the owners are into… something. But if we remove ourselves from that adult mindset, it’s a very pretty setup! The mirrors line the angles of the ceiling, creating an ethereal feeling to this dark space. Along the rest of this level, more black furniture, gothic railings, chandelier, and attic door.

I hope you weren’t looking forward to some grand, kooky, gothic bathroom… because this singular photo is all we have. Plus, the soap is green. (*eyeroll*)

Heading all the way down -six feet under, if you will, the basement leaves a lot to the imagination. It’s a black box -and not the kind found in plane crashes! There’s a lot of space to… run around? Chat with ghosts?

Again, there’s no railing to the stairs. But at least there’s two recliners facing a TV, so you can watch reruns of Bones with your ghost bestie.

How am I sure that ghosts use this place as an Airbnb? Just check out the backyard: 

Railings may have been forgotten inside, but there’s plenty out here! With the signage, honestly, it’s almost tacky… which makes it more approachable. The shed is a crypt? So what! The outdoor bar is the office is a cemetery? Who cares, when you can grill up a nice meal?! 

Centered in the backyard is a firepit… but there’s no chairs.

Is this… a pit for sacrifices? 

Y’know… maybe this place is a bit off. We should leave!

Luckily, there’s room in the driveway for multiple cars! That way you can invite multiple people over to sacrifice -I mean, hang out with. In that very, very, dark home. There really is something for everyone.

Sarah @Hometastrophes