I don’t feel safe in this house.

What’s up, friends?

Most of the time, the lack of an interior decorating theme is what hurts the overall visual appeal of a home. But in today’s case, having a theme is why I’m deathly afraid to step inside.

Located on the coast of Northern Florida, this 3-bed, 2-bath home is the picture perfect setting for a horror film. Why? Because you’d see it on the street and think “Oh, that house looks very normal”.

Yeah, the compact (yet effective) layout of the home is impressive -but who even cares when the muted colors make this look like an ancient, cursed map?!!

From the outside, this facade appears quaint. But, when you look closely, you’ll notice: the home number is 911, the giant crack in the pavement, and the lopsided plant. I fear its offputting nature might be an omen for what’s to come…

Apparently, Dracula was given free reign to decorate this room. Because I’m not sure who else would put cracked stone on the walls, skeleton pillows and faux bones on the couch, and literal candles on the ceiling.

If you want to watch the TV, you need to enter (what I’m calling) the cave: “stone” walls and ceiling, with stalactites galore. Do you think Dracula sleeps in this room when he’s a bat?

Is this what the inside of a deluxe coffin looks like? 

Real talk: I do like the dark kitchen aesthetic with the small pop of velvet red. Unsure about that ceiling though.

In between the kitchen and the other rooms are these weird liminal, vacant spaces. They probably

hold the memories of the souls that haunt this house. 

Ornate purple wallpaper makes me think I’m in a haunted house. Then the walls dressed as hedges -with hands coming out of them- makes me think I’m in the Shining. This just keeps getting spookier.

Did Dexter do his “work” in the hall bathroom, again?

But really, these Party City decorations are so tacky that I do fear meeting the person who thought they looked good in this bathroom.

Welcome to the Circus! Or is it a festive dungeon? Regardless, if I had to lie on that bed (which I would never do) and look up at those vertical stripes, I’d probably get vertigo. And that might be scarier than the wall decor.

These aged sandstone vibes are rancid. The toilet looks older than the house itself and, once again, the tacky decor is only making things worse.

Luckily, with the secondary bedroom, things don’t get worse than before.

Is it still scarily themed with bright blue everything, red accents, and swords galore? Absolutely. At least, it’s not making me dizzy.

I find the decor of this office to be tame(ish). There’s some theming on the ceiling, shelves, and walls -but not the doors. It makes me feel like the desktop spot was intentional for Zoom; Your webcam background would be the outdoors, and not death.

Death is saved for this room -that I don’t even know what to call. It seems like a “collector” room, though, the metal shelving gives a sterile vibe that (again) reminds me of Dexter. And you never want to think about that guy’s house.

If you were to find yourself on the floor of this room, you would be greeted with an array of CDs. And those rainbows wouldn’t be a bad final thing to see.

Here’s the vast backyard of… nothing really. If anything, it’s clear that the previous owners purposely kept their “freak” behind closed doors.

Though, why is that shed so big? That yard isn’t huge -so WHAT are they keeping in there, HUH?

Knowing what we know now, I’m scared that the nearby red-roofed complex used to be an asylum. And that the previous owner used to “live” across the street, if you know what I mean…

Sarah @Homes.tastrophes