I dropped paint... everywhere!

What’s up, friends?

Today, I wanted to show y’all a pristine, simple home… but I was carrying a bucket of paint with me… and I dropped it. So, please, excuse the splatter on the walls because it got… everywhere.

Wait… I’m getting word from my reps that that was just a dream -and today’s home really is a nightmare of colorful proportions.

Located in Switzerland, this European property has 2 structures, 2 bathrooms, a 2-car garage, and only about 870 sq. ft. of livable space. From the outside, the color is inviting; The blue and yellow are bright, and give a nice pop to the landscape.

Once we step inside though, you’ll see what my worries were…

Take a look at… well, I don’t even know where to start. Maybe it’s a European thing, but there truthfully isn’t a true ‘living room,’ nor is there a peaceful vibe anywhere in here. It looks like blood was smudged on the ceiling, but I think I’m supposed to say it’s “art” and “up for interpretation”.

Don’t worry, there is more than a tiny table to eat at!

Elsewhere, there’s a secondary dining table… with no window in sight? So your options are minuscule or claustrophobia. You choose. 

If I need to be kind, I’d say I like this kitchen. Bold statement -I know- but there’s something about the primary colors and handprints that promote a sense of play that I think is so integral to the act of cooking.  

Before you see the second level, I need to make a comparison: if the first floor is paint thrown at a wall, the second floor is random wood nailed to the wall -which is, objectively, 10-times worse.

Whose choice was it to put bare wood paneling on the ceiling, tack a graffitied Albert Einstein portrait onto it, then slide a fake antique telephone nearby? And it’s not like downstairs is so normal, but somehow this makes EVEN LESS SENSE!!!

Luckily, this junglegym -I mean Primary Bedroom Suite is back on-theme:  

Instead of monkey-bars, this bed has opted for a general “climbing structure playground” type of vibe… which is absurd as heck. Like, I could maybe understand this in a child’s bedroom, but for adults? No way. 

You can’t look me in the eye and truthfully tell me that a grown adult would want to haul their old, achy, tired body through that darn sculpture every single day, morning and night. Because that would sound worse than any nightmare I could ever have in that bed.

Funny thing about this space: I’ve actually been to a replica of this exact bathroom -in a dilapidated preschool! And, besides that toilet literally having a horrifying face, thinking about the structure of that basin is making me puke in my mouth a little.

Above a Jackson Pollock floor is an elevated bed with more confusing slats. It’s giving me a headache just trying to wrap my brain around their existence.

I need to get some fresh air! Let’s step outside to the patio:

Real talk: it’s evident that this house wasn’t created in a day, or a week, or even a month -so it had to have come from somewhere, hence these various shed spaces! Not only are they decked out in that signature splatter, but they’ve got all the tools to get the job done.

At the beginning, we saw that blue wall that lines the property… and I hadn’t noticed how well-done it is. The blues, with the accents of yellow and red, make a serene piece of artwork… that’s very deceptive to what the rest of the home has in store.

One thing this place has is grit. It’s rough around the edges and isn’t afraid to be itself. 

So, if we need to learn a lesson from this house, we can take the idea of confidence and self-expression. But if we need to live there, I think we’d all rather fly back to wherever we came from.

Sarah @Hometastrophes