Ireland has come to Louisiana

What’s up, friends?

Tomorrow is St. Patrick’s Day ☘️And in lieu of those festivities, I’ve decided we hop on the plane to the motherland of this holiday… but the plane decided to veer south… to New Orleans. 

There, the Irish Bayou Castle reigns… as a touristy monument. I know the other week I petitioned to make a non-home into a home… but for this week, I’m gonna argue for keeping this castle just a castle. 

Built in 1981, this 2-bed, 1-bath property has beautiful views, a dashing price tag of $499k, and a measly 2.4k sqft. For a place originally commissioned for the 1984 World’s Fair as a museum, despite the project being incomplete… this would’ve been a teeny tiny museum! Especially given the grand, turret-having exterior, you’d think they’d want an interior to match it. 

Though, you’ll soon see why this place isn’t at all what it could have been…

Nestled in the bayou, beyond the vast views of water, this bright white castle looks like a medieval king accidentally commissioned a vacation home… in the wrong place.  

Now, please, bow your heads as you enter this royal court (of tragic proportions)…

Alongside the natural curvature of the building, this kitchen has space for a king… because there’s like nothing in it!! Money was spent on the carved cabinetry, royal decor, and grand staircase… but where’s the oven? And where would it go? Is there even a microwave? 

Mind you, this was built in the 1980s, not the 1780s. There’s central heat and central air. I understand that it hasn’t been a home for that long… but if they’re trying to market this as a home, at least slap an air fryer on the counter to “sell the dream”.

Dining tables aren’t necessary when you can have your servants feed you, and hold your food while doing it.

Next, this is the part of the movie where we go up the central staircase, even though a witch told us “NEVER go upstairs!”

To my genuine surprise, there is a room that is distinguishable as a bedroom. Is there only a recliner, dresser, and possible dungeon door inside of it? Yes. Is that out of character for this getup? Absolutely not.

At this point, you may have asked yourself, “Where is the bathroom? Does it have a 19th century pool chute? Is there running water upstairs? Is there running water at all??!”

Well folks, I have no idea. I scoured the internet and couldn’t find a single glimpse at the bathroom situation. So I’m not saying you’ll have to “go” and bathe in the bayou… but I’m also not saying it off the table (for this “house” also does not have). 

We only get a peek into the secondary bedroom, but the theming is way more on point here. The ceiling is hand painted and has a unique light fixture. The walls are adorned with a royal red, crown molding trim… and a giant door? Maybe it leads to a flower-filled balcony where we can reenact Romeo & Juliet… 

Oh, or we can just freefall onto the ground. 

With the ledge being so small, I wonder what the original plan for it was. Is it an unfinished balcony? Was it going to be a bridge to another building? Or maybe it actually was just a ledge to boot unwanted people from the kingdom.

If we can learn anything from this property, it’s that even unique themes have their limits. And those limits can be tested even if that means not hitting the threshold of the ballpark of the limit. Like it barely hit the necessary guidelines of being “castle themed”… at least it's kinda Irish? 

Anyways… Happy St. Patrick’s Day ☺️

Sarah @Hometastrophes