Jurassic Park moved... to your house.

What’s up, friends?

Summer is… wait, what’s that? A DINOSAUR?! 

With the new movie coming out this month (not sponsored, haha), this week’s home is dedicated to Jurassic Park, literally.

(Plus, check out the full video review of this property below!)

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Located within the secluded forests (just outside of) Portland, WA, there’s a home of 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, and a whole bunch of dinosaurs. Spawning during the height of the new Jurassic Park franchise, this 2019 property boasts its love for the Spielberg classic by immersing you in the world of the film. 

And I, for one, find that absolutely terrifying.

As we approach the home, familiar signage greets us and hints at what’s to come…

Scattered across the property are these (seemingly) life-sized dinosaur sculptures and faux movie paraphernalia. One of these dinosaurs even spans the length of this fence -aka it’s HUGE!

What I want to know is:

• Were these dinos commissioned pieces or can anyone buy one?

• Was the location of each dino planned as the home was built?

• Does anyone drive that Jeep? Or is it just for decoration?

Once we enter the home, more creatures lurk -RIGHT UP THERE! I have reason to believe that that fossil head is real. Regardless, coupled with the emptiness of the entryway, I feel like I’ve entered a museum exhibit. 

Did a paleontologist design this kitchen? I ask because it feels so poorly designed that only a non-architect could come up with such an odd space. 

So the microwave is going to go on a table, but we’re not utilizing the space underneath for storage. For the dining table, let’s just throw a high-top in the middle of the room with only three stools. Also, gotta make sure to use black cabinetry so the kitchen looks sleek, but doesn’t match anything else in the home. Yeah, all great ideas… not.

Can a space be both full and feel empty? Yes, see: this living room. With the museum vibe, this space reminds me of a lobby -which means it’s comfy, but not homey. 

Slightly lofted above the living room is the primary bedroom. The tan color scheme fits the place… but that’s about as interesting as this singular photo gets.

By far, the scariest part of the bedroom in the en-suite: exposed pipes under the sink! And, in a similar vein of the kitchen: the bathroom countertop looks like a wooden table. It’s all very bare bones here (pun intended).

Everyone loves a peephole window in their bathroom, right?

One of these bedrooms is not like the other: We have one with plenty of natural light, cute dinosaur pillows, and a comfy beanbag. In the other room, a small window makes the space feel like you’re part of a zoo exhibit, with dinosaur footprints on the wall. Is this implying that we’re dinosaur food? I’m not sure, but I don’t feel so good about it.

I heard they’re doing a spin-off movie… Jurassic Pool!

It’s right next to the velociraptor habitat -because who needs a backyard anyway?

Regardless of my jokes, I think home would make a wonderful Airbnb property. Taking kids here to explore the home, the nearby city, and have a great family vacation. I fully relinquish my idea to the home’s next buyer.

Sarah @Homes.tastrophes