Wanna poop in your bedroom? For $3.7 million, you can.

What’s up, friends?

Today’s home has a central theme: out-of-place. So keep an eye out for the good and (mostly) bad instances as we head to the Southernmost part of the Continental United States: Key West, Florida.

Built in 1938, this recent remodel sits at a $3.7 million price tag… for a lot that’s only 4.7k square feet. Sure, it boasts 5 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms, an in-ground pool, and a detached guesthouse, but at what cost?

Style: exposed wooden beams on cathedral ceilings and random pops of royal blue, all enrobed in a sheen of white and grey… not the greatest combination.

Also, there’s the open concept: a sub-theme to this property. Through this primary living room, you have access to the kitchen and dining room. Yet, while it all flows together with space to spare, it still feels like each section is crammed together.

Look at the dining table: it’s jammed against the wall so as not to block the doors. There’s a small couch on a giant rug. And lots of counter space… devoid of any character. I mean, I don’t love the random blue art, but it’s better than nothing at all!

What a nice kitchen… but it feels off as it doesn't match the home’s kitchy vibe. 

Besides the primary suite, the secondary bedrooms and bathrooms are very standard. They’re not atrocious -but they aren’t works of art either. Keep in mind, though, they are very standard.

So… when it comes to the primary bedroom and en-suite… you’d also expect standard.

At first glance, yeah, it’s a second-story bedroom with a slanted ceiling…

The “closet” space makes do with its limited room (though this is the second washer/dryer unit in the home).

Everything seems normal… until you sit on the bed and look across the room: 

Um. I’m honestly at a loss for words.

But here’s a few:

• Wanna get steamy in the bedroom? Literally turn on the shower.

• Combining shower humidity and bedsheets smells like a recipe for mold.

• The most abhorrent part: the toilet is just there. 

Heck, even small hotel rooms have dividers between the bed and bath. This is just a sanitary nightmare.

A pool? In Florida? Groundbreaking.

But really, an in-ground pool is perfect to have in the humid Key West heat. At the same time, this pool looks perfect for a couple of people -not five bedrooms worth of people.

Around the corner, more patio space is sheltered by the tall palm trees. It also gives you a peak into this property’s detached guest home… that, from the entrance, is giving very run-of-the-mill themed Airbnb. 

Y’know, I look at this space, with the starfish on the wall and the oceanic colors, and I just know this place smells like sand. Like hot sand. And not in a good way. 

I’ve always wanted a headboard for my couch (I’m lying). And I think these two decrepit doors look great back there (I’m lying, again).

It’s like they could find any space to store them (though I’m not sure why they wanted them), so they just stuffed them behind the couch. Speaking of stuffing things in random places… across the landing is a “bedroom”. I’d say it’s unbelievable, but the stark orange wood and blue artwork make this insanity seem not-that-bad.

For a plot that jams so much into its limited square footage, I’m not sure they used the space well. They made big spaces seem small. They made design choices that stuck-out instead of added to the ambiance. And they made it seem like they built this place before making a single blueprint. 

Maybe that’s why they have so many ugly blue prints on the walls. 

Sarah @Homes.tastrophes